


Separation

by servantofclio



Series: Zoe Ryder [10]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 14:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11128686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servantofclio/pseuds/servantofclio
Summary: SAM’s absence felt like an enormous hole, like someone had yanked a tooth out of her head.Or no, like someone had ripped out her heart, but she was somehow still moving.





	Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Ryder's feelings about losing SAM, and getting SAM back. Written for a "holding hands" prompt, which is tricky when one of the characters involved doesn't have a physical form.

Over time, Ryder had gotten so used to having SAM in her head that she’d stopped thinking about it. What had once felt weird and overwhelming had turned into normal, everyday stuff. She woke up in the morning, she said hi to SAM, she asked what was on the agenda for the day. If she needed data to think through a problem, she only had to ask. At the beginning, she’d been hyper-conscious of SAM’s presence, aware that SAM was observing every conversation she had and experienced everything she felt. But SAM was generally so unobtrusive, only commenting or intervening if she requested it, that little by little, she’d started to forget, unless SAM happened to refer to a conversation in talking to her.

There had gotten to be something comfortable about having the perfect assistant and confidant with her all the time.

So, preparing to chase down the Archon, SAM’s absence felt like an enormous hole, like someone had yanked a tooth out of her head.

Or no, like someone had ripped out her heart, but she was somehow still moving.

Lexi had said bluntly that she wasn’t sure _how_ Ryder was still on her feet, much less how she’d mustered the will and energy to deal with Remnant technology and get her team out of the city. Ryder wasn’t entirely sure how she’d done it, herself, only that she’d been beyond desperate, and she’d clung to the idea that she _was not going to let that fucker win_ , taking her brother and her ark and her SAM and fucking up the whole cluster, destroying everything everyone had worked for. Krogan, exiles, angara, colonists, they were all doing what they could to make a life here, and she wasn’t going to let the Archon take that away.

They were all mustering now, too, from what everyone was saying. The _Tempest_ positively vibrated with energy, her crew talking on every comm channel available, to every possible ally they could think of.

With all that noise, the silence in the back of Ryder’s head echoed all the worse. Her quarters felt the largest and emptiest that they ever had; when she looked in the mirror, she was surprised she couldn’t see a gaping hole in her skull, only bloodshot eyes, pupils wide from whatever stims Lexi had (reluctantly) given her.

She couldn’t stay there, with the holographic emitter on her desk inert and silent. She left the yawning emptiness as if she were running away, and instead paced the _Tempest_ ’s decks and corridors, her nerves buzzing, trying to take comfort from her crew’s chatter.

“We’re all your SAM now,” Suvi said when Ryder checked in, and she tried to smile in response. She appreciated the thought, she really did. She was grateful for every bit of effort and resolve her friends were putting in, every ship and soldier they were mustering. If any human being was going to be talking to her over the comm, offering analysis and advice, she wanted it to be Suvi, absolutely.

But none of it quite filled in the hole SAM’s absence made.

Ryder tried not to think about it, and instead tried to concentrate on how much she wanted to punch the Archon in his stupid bony face.

 _Almost worthy_ , her ass. She’d show him worthy. And she’d get her brother and SAM back, too.

#

After the battle, Ryder passes out. She manages not to do it in sight of the cameras, barely. The comedown Lexi had warned her about, from that lovely cocktail of _stuff_ Lexi had pumped into her, hits hard, and she’s run out of the anger and adrenalin that had helped fuel her through the whole thing.

She wakes up in _Hyperion_ ’s infirmary, the lights dim, medical monitors beeping quietly around her. The noise is calm, soothing even. Her head feels like it weighs a metric ton; when she turns it to the left, with great effort, she can see her twin asleep in the next bed.

Okay. Good. That’s all right.

Slowly, she takes stock of all her aches and pains — she feels kind of like someone used her as a training dummy — and even more gradually, reaches into the void, more than a little afraid of finding it empty, still.

_SAM?_

_Yes, Ryder?_

All her breath whooshes out of her lungs in sheer relief. Staring up at the ceiling, she can feel the corners of her eyes prickling. _I_ _’m glad you’re back, SAM_.

_It is good to have our connection restored. I regret that my absence caused you physiological distress. I have made adjustments accordingly._

Ryder shakes her head, even though there’s no one there to see. _No, SAM, I_ _’m just... I missed you._

There is a noticeable pause, unless her head is really swimming before SAM says, _And I you_.

Usually SAM’s presence doesn’t come with any physical sensation. And to be honest, maybe it’s the effect of whatever painkillers or other stuff Lexi currently has her on, but for a moment, Ryder could swear she feels a real warmth, as if SAM were physically present, holding her hand.


End file.
